The Top 7 Habits of a Calm Woman

Many people believe that being a calm person is about pretending to be unbothered when you’re actually very bothered under the surface. However, in a “fake it til you make it” culture I can’t blame you for thinking that this is the first step to living a more calm + stress free life.

As a woman who once had severe anxiety, I can tell you firsthand that calmness isn’t about avoiding chaos or pretending that you have no feelings. Calm is about emotional resilience. It’s the ability to feel a range of emotions while remembering that you have an inner confidence that can keep you afloat in the face of your challenges. It’s an intentional lifestyle of transforming chaos into clarity.

If you’d like to start cultivating a calm way of life then here are my top 7 habits to help you become the CALM QUEEN of your dreams. Be sure to bookmark this blog for future tips on calm, confident, + carefree living!

How to be a Calm Queen

01 | Overlook Offense

I must emphasize that this tip is about overlooking unnecessary offense. There are over 8 billion personalities coming together in one big world so there is bound to be some clashes in lifestyle, choices, + opinions.

A Calm Queen understands that being offended is a choice. For example, a room full of people can all hear the same remark + some will be offended + others won’t. If the remark itself was offensive then ALL people would be offended but the reason some may be more offended than others is based on their perspective + feelings.

Offense is about how we internalize outside events + give them meaning. So if you go through life looking for offense in everyone’s words, actions, outbursts, or opposing views you will be responsible for adding unnecessary stress, anxiety, + angst in your own life. 

When you hear or see something you don’t agree with you have a few choices. To respond impulsively from a place of offense, to understand that people will not share your beliefs or mannerisms, or address it without agenda + simply express where you stand. A calm woman knows the difference between advocating + offense.

02 | Embrace Radical Acceptance

Sometimes the simplest way to be stress free is to know how to let go. To accept that all of your protesting + pickiness in life is still not going to change the nature of other people, places, + environments.

Calm women know that if you can’t control what’s outside of you then it’s best to control what’s inside of you. Does that seem harder? Maybe; but you have to ask yourself the following questions. “Why can’t I accept that what is happening right now is reality? Why am I trying so hard to make this person or situation fit my ideals? Is it fair to impose my will onto this situation or person?”

Remember when I said authentic calmness is about being able to hold a range of emotions? A tough truth for most of us to sit with is that we feel it’s easier to try and control what’s outside of us because we don’t want to control what’s being triggered inside of us.

It’s important that you know that control is the enemy of calm. True leaders don’t need control to create change, instead they cultivate to create change.

Cultivation is all about PLACEMENT + POSITIONING. Instead of micromanaging everyone else’s intentions simply place yourself in environments with people who already share your passion + align with people that reflect the change that you want to see. Accept that not everyone will agree with your ideals + simply align with people who share your views. 

What’s the takeaway here? That a calm queen doesn’t steal others' choices, but instead shows others what their choices are.

That’s what being a true leader + changemaker is all about.

@loriharvey

03 | Self Trust

If you don’t remember anything else I share, know that women who are calm have unshakable self confidence. They trust that they will be okay no matter who or what comes their way.

Did you know that according to “Psychology Today” over 85% of people struggle with low self confidence. One thing that I know is that when you don’t have confidence in yourself then this world starts to look big, scary, + extremely unstable. And while this may be true in some aspects, the truth is that the world will feel less shaky when you become more secure.

You have to start asking yourself why you don’t feel safe in this world + what you can do to relieve that anxiousness. If you don’t know where to begin cultivating this kind of confidence then the CALM QUEEN wellness workbook will help you find your inner peace in the midst of a problematic world.

As someone who’s nearing a decade free from anxiety, I wish someone long ago would have told me that security is the foundation of self confidence. Once I became secure in myself THEN my self confidence skyrocketed! Never look for confidence or stability outside of yourself, always cultivate it inside of you + life will be more stress free.

@zendaya

04 | Self Awareness

This may be one of the most well known habits of being a calm person. I believe calmness without self awareness is just temperance, which is calm behavior but not necessarily calm character. 

What happens when you appear collected but end up confronted with your deepest triggers? How long does that temperance last? This is why self awareness is crucial to calm living. When you are aware of your triggers, boundaries, needs, joys, + limits you can be proactive instead of reactive. You’ll know exactly what environments, people, + events can knock you off-center + you’ll know just what to do to come back to yourself.

Calm isn’t just about being aware of what’s happening outside of you, it’s about being aware of what happens inside of you too. 

@kellyrowland

05 | Selective Thoughts

When you hear phrases like “your mind creates your reality”, “gratitude is the best attitude”, “positive mind positive life” it can sound like a cliche. The truth is that your mindset does dictate your direction in life.

A calm woman is intentional about the thoughts she thinks because she knows that her thoughts become beliefs that then become actions + eventually become a reality. It’s not about magic, it’s about habit! If you’re going to be a calm change maker you have to quite literally put your mind to it.

In the end, it’s not about believing if this is true or not, it’s about actually getting your hands dirty in life + proving that to yourself. So if you want to work your way to a more calm, confident, + carefree life you are going to have to be intentional about adjusting your thoughts which will ultimately align with your actions + influence your life.

06 | Cherish Values

Values are an anchor to calm living because no matter what comes to shake up your world, holding firm to your beliefs will keep you grounded. 

So ask yourself “what values do I have that currently keep me afloat in life? What values + beliefs do I need to keep me on the path to a more peaceful life?”

The answers to these questions are anchors that will help you stand firm in the face of chaos.

07 | Give Grace

A calm woman doesn’t believe in shame. She knows that shame is a choice. Instead she lives + leads with grace. Some people have learned at some point in life that shame is a form of course correction. However when faced with mistakes (whether your own or others) a calm woman chooses to be curious instead of critical. 

Criticism makes you shrink + creates a fear of making new choices. Whereas curiosity allows you the room to grow, learn, + discover new choices you can make after a mistake. So the next time you are faced with a trial or an error, choose grace. Because then you’ll discover new ways to make it through your trials + it will come at no emotional cost to you.

Put it into Practice

While there are many more habits to help you live a calmer life, these are the ones that many shy away from the most. But if you embrace these habits now then relaxing with life will become second nature. 

If you’d like to start your journey to become a CALM QUEEN, I've developed a simple wellness workbook to help you move from calm intentions to calm action. It’s a full year of journal prompts that you can integrate into your weekly routine to start leading + living in peace.

What was the most surprising tip you read? Be sure to share it with me over on IG @pondrxjas + don’t forget to share this blog with a fellow world changer!